Reply to NJ 3

Read here, here and here.

" as well as making some 'enemies' or shud i say some ppl who r not so fond bout u..anywayz..about joining the dots, can u be more specific..like joining the dots btwn my life, thinking and my chess?? Or is more towards emotions and controlling them??"

Dear NJ

This part is a huge topic but you are right. It lies outside the box. Read here. It's to do with the other 3 components. Progress here is not as simple as just learning technical and definitely not as fast. But these are the parts that lead to excellence. It's the journey towards stilling the mind.

Before I go on let me expand on what is the difference between counselling and coaching. Read here. In counselling we are learning to confront our fears; to see which ones are imagined and which ones are real. And then we learn to slowly join the dots between compartments that are creating the internal conflict. Resolving internal contradictions that is impeding progress. This must mean learning not to deny evidence and to stop the mind from making "excuses". During this process we cannot increase the pressure too much or the mind disassembles.

In the coaching model, we can reach a point where the coachee tells the coach, hey coach, you are not pushing me enough. I have more capacity, throw me another ball and lets see how I handle that. The coaching model keeps stretching the limit.

So you can see there is a big jump. A qualitative difference. In the coaching model we will find our Champion.

Note: If the pressure becomes too great during the counselling phase, you risk damaging the player. We can only switch to coaching at a particular point.

Let me tell you more about the "spirit". Let me use my own example here.

You see, somewhere in my childhood, I was convinced that I was stupid. This became the constant chatter in my mind. Sometimes I can stop it to achieve something but under intense pressure it always came back. And this was despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary. No matter what my lecturers in the UK said. You see the "spirit" is not easy to convince. I think what saved me in the end was my Bridge. During the time I was trying to turn my business around, I kept reminding myself of all the evidence that was before me. That I could play Bridge with some of the strongest and smartest minds in Malaysia and elsewhere and not come out short. Read here.

The Internet presented a bewildering array of false information, red herrings and false trails. And I was in despair. So I needed to constantly remind myself of my previous acts of courage, my past achievements so as not to give up hope. You see to repair, to nurture your spirit, you need to convince yourself that you are not a coward. You do not need to convince anyone else. So that is why I always encourage you to fight your best. To go all out. It's not for me. At some point in your life, you will need that memory. That memory will serve you when the chips are down. From that memory is where the Champions are made. That is also why I ask you and the others on this blog to own your statements and use your name. There is no ill intent. I hope you understand a little more now.

That spirit is important. And that is why you should protect it. I will talk about emotions in my next reply. All my best NJ. I wish you wild success in your life.

Remember, with each act of courage you strengthen the spirit.