How to unmake the bully in you.

When you see a bully, what do you see? I see someone who was a victim at some point in his/her life which has left a scar and a feeling of deep injustice. A person who feels bad about himself. This feeling deprives the individual of energy since energy can only be gotten when you feel good about yourself.

And so this person now bullies someone else to deprive that person of their energy and to fill his own empty tank. His feel good now comes from his sense of superiority. And he uses the tools of intimidation etc to get his way. But that is not true superiority and the feel good doesn't last since his source of energy comes from outside himself.

The feel good doesn't last because he still hasn't dealt with the issue/person that made him feel bad in the first place. He has merely transferred his anger to an innocent object. So there is no abatement. And so it goes on and on.

The only way to unmake the bully; to feel good about yourself again is to face and defeat your original demon. If you were bullied into submission by someone then you must confront that person to find yourself again.

And that is the difficult part for that needs courage. Jimmy must face Dato and talk out the issues between them. Peter needs to find out why he fails again and again as a businessman and not look for the excuses/shortcuts. The trainers need to look at their methods to see how they can improve by benchmarking themselves against our foreign competitors. That is the only way to regain our self-esteem.

It cannot be achieved by bringing our own internal anguish to inflict it on someone else innocent of the crimes against us.

If we get to play for Malaysia without merit, we should decline. Not use that to justify the many times we ourselves have used undeserving shortcuts in our life to make us feel better. It doesn't work that way. Trust me.

We can only grow by facing the issues that affected us. Don't blame someone else for our problems. Then we can unmake the bully in us.